Years ago, a friend of mine said to me, “Give me a problem and I’ll give you a solution.” I love this sentiment, probably because it so deeply resonates with me. Ever since I was little, I’ve been able to handle almost anything on my own and this attitude has carried me well into adulthood — until recently.
I’ve held everything together during tough times in my life. I always found a way to push through, to persevere, to fix it as fast as I could…and to ensure that it never happened again.
But then, the tough times got harder. They came faster, packed an even more powerful punch, and there was no way or time for me to brace for impact, much less seek out solutions. To add insult to injury, these events, while seemingly one on top of the other, lingered on a lot longer than usual. There wasn’t a quick fix, a wrap up, and the opportunity to move on.
In short, I was (and still am) stuck in an abyss. And it’s been this way for a while now.
In a desperate attempt to deal with things by not dealing with things, I made some situations worse. I know that how I handled these issues wasn’t always the right way, thanks in part to some childhood trauma that had been buried. And in not having the help I needed to heal, I caused damage to myself and to others, and it’s something that I will forever regret.
Thing is, I’ve grown a lot in the past few years. Therapy has helped TREMENDOUSLY, as did an ADHD diagnosis that I wish I would have gotten when I was younger.. (I always thought that it was normal to have 25 tabs open on your computer at any given time.) More than that, though, I have a much greater understanding of who I am, that none of us are our worst mistakes, and that there is grace when we learn from our errors (no matter how egregious) and vow to never make those missteps again.
And interestingly enough, I donYears ago, a friend of mine said to me, “Give me a problem and I’ll give you a solution.” I love this sentiment, probably because it so deeply resonates with me. Ever since I was little, I’ve been able to handle almost anything on my own and this attitude has carried me well into adulthood — until recently.
I’ve held everything together during tough times in my life. I always found a way to push through, to persevere, to fix it as fast as I could…and to ensure that it never happened again.
But then, the tough times got harder. They came faster, packed an even more powerful punch, and there was no way or time for me to brace for impact, much less seek out solutions. To add insult to injury, these events, while seemingly one on top of the other, lingered on a lot longer than usual. There wasn’t a quick fix, a wrap up, and the opportunity to move on.
In short, I was (and still am) stuck in an abyss. And it’s been this way for a while now.
In a desperate attempt to deal with things by not dealing with things, I made some situations worse. I know that how I handled these issues wasn’t always the right way, thanks in part to some childhood trauma that had been buried. And in not having the help I needed to heal, I caused damage to myself and to others, and it’s something that I will forever regret.
Thing is, I’ve grown a lot in the past few years. Therapy has helped TREMENDOUSLY, as did an ADHD diagnosis that I wish I would have gotten when I was younger.. (I always thought that it was normal to have 25 tabs open on your computer at any given time.) More than that, though, I have a much greater understanding of who I am, that none of us are our worst mistakes, and that there is grace when we learn from our errors (no matter how egregious) and vow to never make those missteps again.
And interestingly enough, I don’t think that I would have gotten to this turning point had my life not
completely fallen apart. Things would have chugged on as usual while I ran myself ragged both mentally and physically trying to mask the mess so that I could move on. But in the midst of the chaos, however, I have found respite. I’ve given myself the chance to dream once again, to think of alternative endings, and not try to get everything back to normal as soon as possible because it’s familiar.
All those “One day I’ll…” wishes are now being revisited, and plans are being put into motion.
For me, it truly is a time of rebirth, of saying goodbye to what no longer serves me, and opening up the opportunity to something new…and better. What that is, I have no idea. Regardless, I trust that somehow, someway, I’ll be okay. Because when it all falls apart, that’s when life comes together in the most astonishing, authentic, and amazing way.
’t think that I would have gotten to this turning point had my life not
completely fallen apart. Things would have chugged on as usual while I ran myself ragged both mentally and physically trying to mask the mess so that I could move on. But in the midst of the chaos, however, I have found respite. I’ve given myself the chance to dream once again, to think of alternative endings, and not try to get everything back to normal as soon as possible because it’s familiar.
All those “One day I’ll…” wishes are now being revisited, and plans are being put into motion.
For me, it truly is a time of rebirth, of saying goodbye to what no longer serves me, and opening up the opportunity to something new…and better. What that is, I have no idea. Regardless, I trust that somehow, someway, I’ll be okay. Because when it all falls apart, that’s when life comes together in the most astonishing, authentic, and amazing way.