Writing has been a passion of mine since I was in elementary school. I remember my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Antis, telling my mom during a parent/teacher conference: “Mrs. Parris, Jennifer is going to be a writer.” And she was right. I am a writer. It’s all I’ve ever done…and loved. It’s really how I have identified myself professionally. Whenever anyone asked me what I do, I would say, “I’m a writer.”
But then all of that changed.
For as long as I can remember, I have loved taking pictures. I’ll take pictures of anything; my kids, a pretty weed by the side of the road…even a meal at a restaurant well before it became a thing on social media. But it was always a hobby, a way in which I moved through the world. I was still, first and foremost, a writer.
That started to shift slightly years ago. I had a job with a leading celebrity website where I interviewed and photographed celebs, mostly doing maternity photography. That should have solidified my newfound status as a professional photographer, right?
It didn’t.
I always felt that I wasn’t a real photographer. But I was determined to prove to the world that I was really, truly was. As luck/chance would have it, I worked as a Senior Writer for Working Mother Magazine. Our publisher, Bonnier, published many other magazine titles, one of which was Popular Photography. As a longtime reader of the magazine, I wanted nothing more than to be featured in their I, Photographer column. That surely would be the recognition I needed and solidify my spot as a professional shooter.
I met with Miriam Leuchter, the then EIC of Pop Photo. For over an hour, we talked about the gear we used and the subjects we shot. She asked for my opinions on Pop Photo’s content, since I was both an avid reader of the magazine as well as an editorial peer. I had three pages of notes (yes, I was overly prepared) and then, I pleaded my case to be featured in the I, Photographer column.
I had my pitch ready to go. Here is my speech in all its unfettered glory:
“Some people might think that if you’re a photographer, you can photograph anything. To some extent, that’s true — and it isn’t. Technically, you can photograph a landscape as easily as a newborn portrait, but will it all be amazing? Probably not. Ask any photog and they’ll tell you that they specialize in specific genres, like family portraits, weddings, landscapes, food photography…you get the point. For me, it’s maternity.
I got into maternity photography rather accidentally. You know when you hit a certain age, and it seems like all of your friends are pregnant at the same time? Well, that happened to me. I was surrounded by bellies, and I offered to photograph one of my pregnant friends, and from the first photograph, I knew that this was something I was just meant to do. It was an inexplicable feeling, almost a God-like moment when you feel the world opening up to you, and everything seems possible.
I asked other friends if they wanted to bare their bellies and have them immortalized for all eternity. (Read: Did they want some free pregnancy photos?)
All of them agreed, and one after another, I scheduled the sessions. Each one was more exciting than the previous one, because as I went along, I learned what worked and what didn’t. I figured out how to pose a pregnant woman, how the strobe lights should fall on her body, and even how to include their partners in the pics without it looking too unnatural.
That’s not to say that the images were awesome right away. Honestly, a lot of them sucked. But then, even though I knew they weren’t perfect, I was so pleased with them, and so were my friends. Because of this, my portfolio was a lot more presentable, I wound up getting booked for shoots, and eventually, I started shooting pregnant celebrities as a celebrity maternity photographer.
I love everything about this niche. I love the excitement that these mommas-to-be have. I listen to their stories and offer that been there, done that advice that they’re so desperate to receive. They’re so incredibly beautiful, and more often than not, they think the opposite. So it’s up to me to photograph them to help them see what I (and the world) see.
Of everything I’ve photographed, I’ve never felt that complete connection that comes from shooting maternity images. Clients feel like friends, celebs are your next-door neighbors. Pregnancy is something that bonds us together. At the end of the day, it’s an honor for me to be a part of a woman’s pregnancy journey and my photography, I hope, is a celebration of this season of life for them.
Pretty solid soliloquy, huh? I thought so, too, and envisioned snagging a spot in an upcoming issue of the magazine.
Fast forward: it never happened.
And it just reinforced what I already felt: I wasn’t a real photographer.
I kept shooting, but not with the same zeal I had before. Even though I received praise for my pics, it wasn’t enough. I was suffering from Imposter Syndrome. Then one day, I read a quote online that went something like, “As soon as you start doing something, then you become it.” It made me realize that becoming a “real” photographer didn’t mean working in the industry for years or getting prestigious awards. It was a mindset. It was believing in myself and not letting anyone (or anything) tell me otherwise.
I started to walk into photo shoots more confidently. I became more grateful that I had these opportunities. Celebrities were flying in on their private planes just for the photo shoots. Rolling Stone, VH1, and 20/20 asked for licensing rights to my images.
I had arrived.
Thing is, I learned that I didn’t need those accolades to validate what I already knew to be true: I was a photographer, and a pretty decent one at that. My self-worth came from me, and me alone. Was it nice to get that positive reinforcement? Absolutely. Did it change how I felt about myself or my work? Not at all.
In life, we’re never just one thing. You’re never just a plumber, an elementary education teacher, or an accountant. We are all so many things at once, and it’s important to embrace all these different parts of our lives. By defining ourselves by only one occupation or thing, we wind up limiting ourselves and potentially risk sabotaging our own potential.
Not being featured in Pop Photo certainly did sting at the time. But I had to go through the process of understanding that there was a bigger lesson to learn, and it probably wouldn’t have happened if my story had been featured.
You see, when you’re on the right path in life, you’ll know it. You don’t need to have people validate your decisions, capabilities — or even publish your story in a magazine. Validation is an inside job, and once you master it, you can be anything you want.
All you have to do is focus and take your shot.