You plan the perfect playdate for your child and their BFF. There will be balloons and chocolate chip cookie baking. Your little one is so looking forward to the big day, and frankly, so are you. (Hello, adult conversation!) When the doorbell rings, though, your delight turns to dread when your child’s playdate partner starts sneezing and coughing. The child’s parent, noticing the fear in your eyes, says, “Oh, don’t worry; he’s just got a cold.”
Gah.
So what do you do? Do you tell the parent that the playdate plans are still on (and risk your child getting sick) or do you reschedule the get together for when your child’s bestie is feeling better?
It’s not an easy decision, says Natalie Mica, MEd, LPC, CART, CDWF, a licensed professional counselor in Houston, TX. “There really is no right or wrong answer,” says Mica. “But the answer does provide insight into the internal dynamics parents struggle with when asked to make a decision during uncomfortable situations.”
The answer isn’t overtly obvious because ultimately, it means disappointing someone. Either you’ll upset the infirmed friend who eagerly came to your house to play with your child, or you’ll probably piss off the parent who may feel that their parenting skills are being judged.
And even if the parent and the pint-sized petri dish agree to reschedule the playdate, the antics might not be over yet. After all, you’ll still need to contend with your own kiddo, who may be feeling some big emotions and not know how to handle the disappointment.
It’s in those moments (when you feel like caving) that you should consider checking in with your own emotions, according to Mica. While disappointing others can feel uncomfortable, you need to assess what (and who) matters most to you. “You can ask yourself questions like, ‘Whose opinion matters most to me?’ or ‘Who am I willing to disappoint to stay true to what is best for my needs and the needs of my family?’” More than likely, it’s not your child’s booger TK BFF.
So what should you say to avoid an awkward conversation that honors your boundaries but doesn’t feel like your child’s friend is being kicked out of your home? You can say something simple like: “Aww, it seems that your child isn’t feeling well today. Let’s reschedule for another day when they are feeling better.”
The goal is to make it not so that you’re worried your kid is going to come down with the cooties, but that the other child might not enjoy themselves if they’re constantly coughing. It’s not going to come easily at first, but with some practice, you’ll be able to create a script of things to say that align with your own thoughts, beliefs, and wishes. Says Mica: “Once the answer is clear, parents can build polite and authentic responses that remove much of their guilt and discomfort in particular situations.”
In the blink of an eye, your child’s friend will be well again and prepared for that much-awaited playdate. And as luck (and Murphy’s Law) will probably have it, that will be the day that you find your child in bed with a 101 degree fever.