Before you got divorced, you loved spending time with your group of married friends. You would go on double date nights, hang out at each other’s houses with the kiddos—even take family vacations together. But as soon as you and your ex split up, something started to shift. You found that your once always-available friends were nowhere to be seen. And what’s worse, you saw that they were still having fun…but without you. So what do you do when you’re the only single mom among your married friends? It can feel isolating, confusing, and even a little unfair. But there are ways to navigate this transition.
Why does this shift start to happen? “Many married women are subconsciously frightened to empathize with the experiences of a single mom,” says Dr. Julie Jarrett Marcuse, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Manhattan. “They don’t want to think it could happen to them, too.” Not only might they worry about their marriage ending, but they could also worry—even unfairly—that you might be a cause. After all, having a newly single mom in the group (even if they’ve known you forever and know you’d never do something like that) suddenly switches up the dynamics, and that shift can feel unsettling to some friends.
That’s why you should start by talking to your closest friend in the group about how you’re feeling. “Among your married friends, identify one person who is the most empathetic and may be able to understand your emotions,” says Marcuse. They may understand what you’re dealing with and help the group see your struggles. One way to do this is by spending some time together—sans spouses. “Plan a girls-only outing with your friends,” suggests Marcuse. “It’s a great way to keep relationships alive without relying on them for full support.” For more casual interactions, playdates with the kids can be a natural way to maintain bonds while honoring your own needs.
Of course, couples-only activities will continue without you, and that can be pretty painful. But acknowledging that things won’t be the same is the first step toward adjusting to your new social life. “Separating from good old established friends and from your spouse too, that’s a lot of loss,” says Marcuse. “It’s a huge transition in your life and children’s lives and it takes a lot to keep yourself afloat.” Speaking to a therapist can help navigate these challenges and ease the loneliness. You can find camaraderie by connecting with other single moms or support groups. Says Marcuse: “They’re a great resource of information and an opportunity to expand your newly single social circle.”
Although you might miss the comfort and connection you had with your coupled companions, try not to jump into a new relationship just to regain a sense of belonging with your friends. Starting a new romance to fill the void can create more stress and complicate your transition. Instead, focus on building authentic connections—both with supportive friends and with yourself—so that your social circle grows in a way that truly meets your emotional needs.
Being the only single mom in a circle of married friends can feel isolating. The sudden shift can be difficult to process. You love your friends, but it’s easy to notice the differences in lifestyle, conversations, and weekend plans. Feeling left out doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong—it just highlights the unique challenges of navigating friendships as a single parent.