If having to suddenly home school their children has done one thing, it’s certainly brought out a sense of humor in parents. They’ve gone from waving goodbye to their kids as they board the school bus to now having to be responsible for teaching all the subjects they’d sooner have forgotten about (we’re looking at you, algebra). But in spite of the stress and chaos of the last few weeks, there have been hilarious things parents are saying about home schooling their kids during the pandemic.
From early morning fire drills to on-the-job drinking, parents are being honest about how hard it is to home school their children. And that’s a good thing: while some parents are embracing this unprecedented stage in our world, using this as an opportunity for emotional and spiritual growth and bonding, others, well, are getting hammered. And really, there can be no judgment on either side. It’s a brave new world, albeit a very uncertain and scary one, and everyone is just trying to gain their footing and make the most of it.
So read on for these hilarious things parents are saying about home schooling their kids during the pandemic. (Personally, we’re favoring #2 and #9.)
1. “If you see my kids locked outside today, mind your business! We are having a fire drill.”
So, we’re thinking that the term “locked outside” is being used loosely. After all, kids aren’t locked out of the school during recess. They’re just supervised and doors are blocked to prevent them from going in and out 150 times. Totally the same thing.
2. “Keep complaining about the quarantine. You just bought yourself another month. You wanna keep going, pal? I can do this all 2020.”
Parents who are fans of The Breakfast Club will definitely recognize this infamous line from the film. A day in detention definitely seems more doable than the next month or so of home schooling that parents everywhere are facing.
3. “Home Schooling Day 3: They all graduated. #Done.”
You always knew that your child was a genius. So why not speed up the process and promote your child to the head of the class (literally) and let them graduate ahead of time? Give your kid a cap and gown and play Pomp & Circumstance, and you’re all set. #timetolookatcolleges
4. “Saw my neighbor Tammy out early this morning scraping the ‘My kid is a terrific student’ sticker off her minivan. Guess that first week of homeschooling didn’t go so well.”
Oh, Tammy. We warned you not to boast about your kid’s accomplishments by brandishing it all over your minivan. Make sure not to scrape the paint off your car while you’re at it.
5. “Listen – do you hear that? That is the recess bell! Yes, recess starts at 9:30 today!!”
Hey, it’s supposed to rain today. You’re actually doing your child a favor by ensuring that he can get in his required PE during school hours. You should get a gold star for thinking ahead.
6. “First day of home schooling and all three of my children are suspended for fighting.”
The school might handle kids’ quarrels one way—but homeschooling has a whole set of new rules. If you insist on picking the marshmallows out of a fellow student’s bowl (or giving him a wet Willy), those are grounds for immediate suspension. Now, go to your room.”
7. “Home school day 1: Wondering how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.”
Hate to break it to you, Becky. You’re stuck with this kid for the rest of the semester. No other parent/teacher is going to want to teach your kid, either.
8. “Day 2 – I suspended my kids for cell phone usage, fighting, no hall pass, excessive talking, eating in class, and unexcused tardiness.”
Wow, what else did they do wrong? Seems like a long list of charges there. Hopefully a day in detention (i.e. everyone sitting in front of the TV all day) will teach your child the error of their ways.
9. “Now that school is closed for a while, my kids will be taking: AP chores, Honors yard work, Dishwashing 1010, AP trash disposal.”
Don’t forget about Home Economics 101: making your own damn lunch.
10. “3 hours into home schooling and one kid is suspended for skipping class and the other one has already been expelled.”
Homeschooling has much harsher rules than regular school. You goof up once, and you’re out. Hopefully your kids will learn that Teacher Mom doesn’t play.
11. “All these kids who have been learning Common Core Math are about to learn how to “Carry The One” from their new home school teachers!”
So, the problem is: 19+15. Write down 4, then carry the one—wait, is there another way to do math?
12. “House Rules 2: Do you go into the refrigerator at school? Um, no. So use your school stomach.”
Since homeschooling started, it’s been snacks for days—for everyone. But a school tummy is a grumbling tummy. Who wants a cookie?
13. “Home schooling going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.”
Define drinking. If that means breaking open a bottle of wine at 10:00 a.m. because your kids are driving you insane already and you can’t get your tech to work, and you don’t know how to suddenly balance work demands and teach your child at the same time, and the dog just ran out of the house…well, we’ll cheers to that, too.