There are some presents that you’ll lovingly (and painstakingly) pick out for your partner or someone special in your life. And then, there are the white elephants gifts that you’ll get that are almost strictly gag-worthy and meant to elicit giggles. And these white elephant gifts (including a shrimp neck pillow, a singing pickle, or even a pen that won’t make you want to reach for that pad of paper), are sure to get a good laugh. After all, you can’t hold a candle to a candle that has a doomed tiny Titanic ship in it, or a Chia Pet that will transform into Bob Ross, everyone’s favorite artist who believes in happy little trees. So don’t say we didn’t warn you as you snicker your way through this selection of funny white elephant gifts.
Pens That (Won’t) Inspire You
They say that the pen is mightier than the sword. That might not be the case with these pessimistic pens from Perpetual Kid. If you’re in a bad mood, this just might plummet you into a serious depression, or leave you laughing. The 5-pen set includes phrases like, “You’ve already peaked” to “You’re for sure getting fired”, to the always pleasant “Your face is weird.” This white elephant gift is good as a playful passive aggressive zinger to that coworker who constantly insists on reheating their fish filet sandwiches in the microwave come lunchtime. Because as one pen points out, “Everyone’s Judging You.” Ain’t that the truth.
A Candle That’s A Sinker
Just looking at this Titanic-scented candle automatically makes you hear the first few fluted notes of “My Heart Will Go On”. The candle, which is crafted and sold by Etsy seller JDandKateIndustries, features a miniature version of the sinking ship, along with the iceberg that was the impetus for it all. But what exactly does the sinking ocean liner candle smell like? According to the description, the Titanic candle smells like “water” and “ocean”, and not, you know, the murky depths of despair. As the candle burns, you just might be able to save this tiny version of the Titanic from a watery grave. And near, far, wherever you are, the candle ships free, too.
You Down With OPP (Yeah You Know Me)
Bring it back to straight up 1991 with this wine that definitely will bring you back to your hip hop roots. In fact, this gangsta wine is totally naughty by nature (ha). But instead of being about other people’s property, this is Other People’s Pinot Gris, and tastes like apples, pears, and peaches, and comes from Oregon. It has a light, fruity taste, and for $20, it’s a cheap way to send your spirits soaring. We have a feeling that this will be the white elephant gift that everyone will want.
Shrimp Neck Pillow
Let’s face it: there just is no good way to sleep sitting up in a chair. But you just might be able to find a better (albeit fishier) position when you use this Shrimp Neck Pillow. You can use it as a body pillow, a decoration for your room, but really, it can be used to put around your neck to give it some seriously shrimpy support. But be warned: if you’re a drooly sleeper, you’ll only be able to surface clean your shrimp pillow, since it can only be handwashed (after all, shrimp can’t handle the spin cycle on a washing machine). No matter what, though, this cute little crustacean will help curb any neck cramps.
Bob Ross Chia Pet
When it comes to Chia Pets, you either love or loathe them. But if you’re a big fan of Bob Ross (and really, who isn’t?), it will be a happy little accident for the person who unwraps this Chia Pet Bob Ross set. It comes with a planter that looks pretty much like the painter himself. The set comes with a plastic drip tray and chia seed packets that are enough for three plantings. And if you’re wondering how long it will take for Bob Ross to grow his lush locks, you won’t have to wait too long, since full growth is expected within 1-2 weeks.
Can you really say that your life is complete if it doesn’t include a singing pickle? Well, it’s actually not singing but more like yodeling that your cured cucumber will be conducting. One Amazon reviewer wrote that, “This has been an outstanding addition to my collection of desk top stress busters.” And for a gift that would seem to grind on your nerves, there are similarly sweet reviews about this yodeling pickle (and its apparent powers to calm down babies) that just might make it the hit of your white elephant gift exchange.
Wrapping yourself up in a warm blanket and crashing on the couch is a delicious way to spend the day. But if you’ve ever felt like a burrito all tucked into a tortilla, now you can, thanks to this Giant Double Sided Burrito Blanket. It looks just like a tortilla, but (womp womp) doesn’t smell like one. You could use it as a throw or as part of your home décor, but where would be the fun in that? Find yourself the comfiest PJs you own, grab your tortilla blanket (which measures between 60-80 inches), and tuck yourself in. Take that, taco.
Nutcracker Knee High Socks
Remember getting socks as a holiday gift when you were a kid? Totally sucked, right? Well, now that you’re adulting, a pair of comfy, cozy, and cute socks can totally make you feel all merry and bright. So for someone who’s nuts about nutcrackers, these nutcracker knee high socks are like a wearable holiday decoration. They come to the knee, so you can wear them with a cute skirt to show them off, or even just under jeans, too. They’re made from a cotton/polyester/spandex combination that allows for stretch without stretching out. Because there’s nothing worse than a nutcracker that’s lost its bite.
Slippers To Keep Your Toes Toasty
You won’t be freezing your baguettes off when you slip your feet into these slippers. The slippers, which fit both women’s and men’s feet, are a wonderfully delicious way to keep your feet warm in the winter. Seller October Elf also offers other slipper bread options, but this baguette is so realistic, you’ll want to slather it with butter. You might want to size up slightly, since the slippers run a little smaller. When the person opens up the gift, we can’t guarantee that they might not want to start gnawing on these slippers that look like freshly baked bread.
Bath Bombs That Are, You Know, The Bomb
Bath bombs aren’t technically a white elephant gift, but this one has a little added somethin’ somethin’ — and that’s CBD, ya’ll. The lavender-scented bath bomb has 100mg of “next-level relaxation”, which just might be the thing that chills out your crazy aunt or coworker. In addition to leaving your skin soft and smooth, you’ll find that your muscles are less achy, your skin more hydrated, and just overall more relaxed. To add to the overall experience, the bath bombs from black-owned business LumiBloom have a fizzing component to make this bath bomb a total bomb.