Recently, someone I know did me dirty. While what she did wasn’t earth-shattering, it was still surprising, passive-aggressive, and most of all, petty.
I reflected on why the act was done. After all, I don’t even really know this woman at all—we’re Facebook friends, but as we all know, that means absolutely nothing. I can count the number of interactions we’ve had on one hand, and only pleasantries were passed. I was stymied for a reason why this happened.
You see, I didn’t grow up like this at all. My Mom made sure that if something were troubling my sister or I that we would talk about it with her. We could go to our Mom with any problem about anything. Whether it was a sex question or a work-related issue, nothing was off-limits. Even our friends, who found that they couldn’t talk to their own mothers, would find themselves sitting on the corner of the couch and dishing their deepest secrets to our Mom, who gave sound, solid real world advice.
As such, when I’ve had an issue with someone, anyone, I am not afraid to confront the person. I try to do so respectfully, because at the core I want a resolution, and for us to move on with our lives. I don’t believe in letting things fester, or lying in wait until a cheap shot can be made. I just don’t roll like that. When there is conflict, I listen objectively and try to assume accountability for what I’ve done, make amends, and quickly move on.
This is growth. This is progress. This is maturity.
She never approached me about whatever her issue was. She chose to do a Real Housewives and talk about me behind my back to get me “in trouble.” Then one day, I realized that this person’s actions had nothing to do with me at all, and everything to do with her. Something about me triggered negative feelings within her, but that is something that she (and she alone) has to deal with.
What is the takeaway for your, Dear Readers? Well, if someone has slighted you, you need to be a grown up about it. Decide whether the slight was an oversight on the other person’s part or meant to really ding you. If it’s the latter, then you need to have a real conversation with the person where you discuss your feelings. You may or may not get an apology, but that shouldn’t be your motivation. Your goal should be to express yourself, then let it go…for good.
However, if you have enough insight to realize that the person whom you’ve set your sights on and labeled as the enemy is actually innocent, then you need to do some serious soul-searching. Discovering what you dislike about that person can offer you a clue into your own character and afford you a real opportunity for positive change and growth.
The key here is you need to be in touch with yourself and your real, true feelings, and stop being out of touch with yourself and your life.
Until next time,