You’ve shaved your legs, (and, ahem, other body parts), picked out your outfit, and even made a dinner reservation. But then the text comes in: your babysitter can’t make it. Cue the dramatic music—or maybe just a few deep breaths. While it might feel like your night of romance is slipping away, that doesn’t mean it’s doomed.
“Absolutely not,” says New York psychologist and couples’ counselor Dr. Judy Kuriansky, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to a Healthy Relationship. “It’s crucial to have a Plan B. Whether the sitter cancels or your child suddenly spikes a fever, being able to pivot is what keeps a relationship strong. And date nights at home—or even date afternoons—can be just as meaningful.”
So before you sink into your sweats and cue up Bluey, try these three ways to turn a night-in into the romantic recharge you both need:
1. Stick to the Routine—Theirs, Not Yours
Yes, your kids are adorable in their Bluey PJs. But tonight, they need to go to bed. Stat. If they sense your excitement about “grown-up time,” they’ll do anything to be part of it. Keep them on their usual bedtime routine to avoid tipping them off. After all, your fun starts after lights out.
2. Get Dressed Like You Mean It
You don’t need to leave the house to put on your favorite dress. Skip the sweatpants and dress for the night you thoughtyou were having. Order from that special-occasion takeout place. Heck, even do a walk around the block and re-enter your home like it’s a chic little bistro. “It may feel silly,” Dr. Judy says, “but doing something symbolic like walking back in the door can completely shift your mindset.”
3. Talk Like Grownups in Love
No talk about laundry, kid schedules, or who forgot to clean the gutters. Instead, pour a glass of wine and reconnect. Ask questions you haven’t thought about since your dating days—favorite color, bucket list destination, childhood dream job. “Couples forget to stay curious about each other,” Dr. Judy notes. “People change, and the answers you got 20 years ago might not be the same today.”
You can even plan small pleasures—like a 10-minute massage or a surprise dessert—to make it feel like more than just another night at home. Because, as Dr. Judy reminds us, “It’s not about where you go—it’s about showing up for each other.”