The birth of a new baby can be an exciting time for the entire family — except possibly for your younger child who is used to being the favorite in the fam. But bringing a baby home from the hospital without giving your child a heads up isn’t always a good idea, especially if your kiddo isn’t aware of what’s happening. That’s why learning how to prepare your child for a new sibling is a good way to introduce the idea and also get them ready for their new role as Big Brother or Big Sister.
Telling your toddler that Mommy swallowed a watermelon might buy you some time, but eventually you’ll need to tell your child that Baby is on the way. Thing is, it’s a convo you’ll need to handle carefully. “Having a new baby join the family can be both exciting and scary for an older sibling,” says Mary Lawrence, LCSW, Clinical Director at Acera Health. “While they may feel excited to have a new playmate, they may also feel uncertain about how it will change their relationship with their parents and the dynamics of the household.” That’s why you’ll need to prepare your child for a new sibling to allay any fears or if they’re experiencing anxiety. Here’s how.
Involve Them In The Preparation
One way to get your child ready for Baby’s arrival is by involving them in the pre-planning. You can take them to doctor’s appointments, for example, let them feel the baby kick, and even have them decorate the nursery or help pick out items for the new baby. “I always find that including children in the process makes them feel more connected and excited about the arrival of their new sibling,” adds Lawrence. You might even show them some sonogram images as your pregnancy progresses or take them to the library to read books on becoming a big brother or sister. Sometimes, the birth of a sibling can affect your child emotionally, so including them in choosing the crib might make them feel loved and appreciated.
Answer Their Questions Honestly
While you might not want to have a birds and bees conversation with your 3-year-old, try to answer their questions as honestly (and as PG) as possible. “Use simple language and explain the pregnancy and birth in age-appropriate terms,” says Boston-based psychotherapist Angela Ficken. “Use words like “growing in Mommy’s tummy” and “coming out to meet us.”
Even if you think you’ve covered all the bases, your child might still have questions, and that’s okay. “Don’t brush off or ignore their concerns, but instead take the time to sit down and have a conversation with them,” advises Lawrence. “Ask them how they feel about having a new baby in the family and address any fears or misconceptions they may have.”
Engage In Role Play
Before the baby arrives, consider buying an interactive baby doll (read: one that can cry, pee, and poop is even better). It gives your child an idea of how itty bitty the baby will be — and why it’s so important to handle their new sib with lots of care. But let them have some hands-on experience, too. Practicing holding, feeding, bathing, and even diapering the doll can foster feelings of affection for the baby. And be sure to praise your child for their awesome older sibling skills.
Give Them The Gameplan
There’s a lot of buildup to the big day, and although that’s certainly thrilling, it can be extremely stressful, especially for your child who might feel caught in the chaos. So don’t wait until you’re already in the throes of labor to explain what’s going to happen to you and your child. “Discuss with your kid where they are going to be and who they are going to stay with while Mom and Dad are in the hospital with their new sibling,” advises Dr. Emily Wisniewski, M.D., FAAP, a board-certified pediatrician with Mercy Family Care Physicians in Baltimore. “Talk about how fun it will be to stay and play with Grandma, for example.” And when Baby is born, they can come to the hospital to visit you and meet the baby.
Highlight Their Role
When Baby comes, you’re going to be busy. Like, don’t have time to even put your hair in a Mom bun busy. When your older child sees how occupied you are, they might start to feel resentful towards your little one. That’s why you can explain how important their role will be once Baby comes. “Give them age-appropriate tasks to help the baby, such as fetching diapers or assisting with bath time,” says Ficken. Letting your child know that you just couldn’t do this whole newborn baby thing without them will make them feel special and an integral part of the process. Hopefully,
Spend Some Time Alone Together
Sure, it might feel like you’re living at the doctor’s office (particularly during those weekly visits) but try to carve some time out for your kid, too. “Schedule one-on-one time with them, even if it’s just a trip to the park or reading a story together,” advises Lawrence. “This will show your child that they are still loved and valued, even with the new addition to the family. These small gestures can help ease any feelings of jealousy or resentment towards the new baby.”
But let your child know that things will change once the baby comes, and you might not be able to spend hours watching Bluey with them as you once did. (And for some parents, that might be a blessing in disguise). “Be honest about the upcoming changes,” says Ficken. “Explain that life will change but reassure them that your love for them won’t.”
For some kids, having a new sibling on the way might feel that they’re going to steal the spotlight. So explain to your child that it’s not a competition and that a new baby is not going to change the love you have for them. And hopefully, your child will be so excited when they see their sibling— and not try to slap them.