Andrea Askowitz is a sweet, funny writer. Which is ironic, since her first book is entitled, My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy. Celebrity Parents spoke with Andrea about her book, her children, Tashi, 5 and son Sebastian, 3 months, and why she is the typical Jewish (lesbian) mama.
Why did you decide to write this book?
I was three months pregnant, and I was seriously depressed. I had a writing class I would go to every Saturday. It was the only thing I could get my ass out of bed for! I loved this class so much that I kept re-enrolling in it for five years! It was a place where I would work out my thoughts and feelings and write stories.
One day, our teacher asked us to write the thing we least wanted to write about. I took it seriously, and wrote about my experience with the massage, which for me was the most rock bottom moment of my life. I wrote that scene, and read it out loud to the class. I was blushing; I felt so embarrassed. The class was on the floor laughing. The more desperate and pathetic I became in the story, the funnier they thought it was.
I wrote the whole book like this, completely deadpan. Every scene that I read and they laughed at propelled me to keep writing. The book was written in real time. Something would happen to me during the week, and then I would write about it and read it to the class. It felt really cathartic to write about it. The only thing that felt good during the pregnancy was to record how miserable it was.
Was there anything redeeming about the pregnancy, apart from the birth of your daughter?
I liked the attention. People will talk to you, and let you go ahead in line at the supermarket. One time I got to pee in a bank bathroom, which they never let you do.
Yes, pregnancy has its perks, like peeing next to the bank vault. What did your friends and family think of the book?
My friends and family have been so supportive. Kate, my ex, has not read it. We’ve become friends again. The book is really a love story about her; she’s not going to like that I say some things about her boobs, but I think she will like how I portrayed her.
The book is really hysterical.
Some people don’t even realize it’s funny. I think if you’re Jewish, or if you have a Jewish sensibility, you can tolerate my bitchiness and whining. Most people just say to me, “You’re such a baby!” I’m used to it, though.
Do you worry about what your daughter will think when she is old enough to read the book?
Tashi knows that I have a book that I dedicated to her. She’s only 5. I think what some people fail to understand is that it was never about not wanting a child; I wanted a child desperately. The pregnancy was miserable, like so many women experience.
I think it’s so interesting that you call yourself a mom and a dad now, since your partner Victoria has given birth to a son named Sebastian.
It’s complicated because it gets weird in people’s minds. I feel like I’m in the Daddy role right now. When Victoria was pregnant, I was really worried about her health, even more than she was. I was very protective, and really sensitive to her needs. Now, I’m not the pregnant mother, and I’m not the boob mother, either. When Sebastian cries in the middle of the night, I get him, I bring him to Victoria, and I go back to sleep. That’s the dad part! Although I must say that I think I’m better than the Dad.
How so?
I’m better because I’m a woman! I’m more sensitive, and I know what Victoria’s going through. I’m also worse because I know what she’s going through. One time, we were on a plane when Victoria was pregnant, and she was feeling nauseous. I told her, “I know it’s counterintuitive, but if you eat, the nausea will stop.” She didn’t want to eat, so I kept shoving pretzels at her. She grabbed the barf bag, and I must say, she is the most elegant vomiter I’ve ever known. She threw up, barely making a sound, tied the bag very neatly, and said to me, “Please tell the stewardess that I’m pregnant and not drunk.”
Well, you’re the good Jewish mother who wants to make sure that everyone is well-fed.
I would like to think so, but actually I was being the know-it-all. I just love my family so much. It scares me how happy I am, like it’s too good to be true. I can’t believe I am with this woman who I’m crazy about. We’ve already had one baby together, and Victoria would like to have another one. We’ve talked about adopting, but lesbians can’t legally adopt a child in Florida, where we live. I feel like we already have this big family full of love. I mean, not big enough to go to Costco, which Victoria loves going to. When I went with her, I told her, “Victoria, we need to have 12 more children to justify coming here!”
Are you planning on writing another book?
I’ve already started working on a new book about family. This book is my love story with Victoria and our family. Sadly, it’s not too funny, though!